So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
