i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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