im six kinds of drunk right now
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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