I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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