went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
