Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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