i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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