im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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