your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Randomize
