Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
