evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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