On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
