i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the day after is always just damage control
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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