But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's the barista slut.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
