your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
