hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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