Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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