matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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