You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
