I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
