i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
