your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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