they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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