He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
