So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
