R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
