My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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