she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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