I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
