I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
