That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He kissed a someone with a penis
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
