They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
