OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
