whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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