What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
