apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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