I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
