alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
