You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize