toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize