yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
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