Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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