pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
