We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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