Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
