Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
