Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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