she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
