Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize