i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
