I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
