we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
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