I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My first STD was from a foam party
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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