He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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