I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
