Porn is love you can see.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
