Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
