Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
