I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
50% drunk capacity currently
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
