why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He better not be in your backpack
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
