sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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