see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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