dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So squirting runs in the family.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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