I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
